Saturday, February 26, 2011

Mullets for Morality: Some Thoughts on the De-Funding of Title X

             I read somewhere that anthropologists have never discovered a human culture that has NOT made the connection between having sex, and getting pregnant.   Obviously, these anthropologists need to fly back from the Amazon, or New Guinea, and start studying our members of Congress.   If the recent de-funding of Title X is any indication, many of our elected representatives haven’t yet figured this out.  

            If the budget containing this provision actually passes, American women need to start considering how we are going to deal with a country that thinks the facts of life is still some sort of unconfirmed theory.   To that end, may I suggest a few modest proposals?

            Solution 1: Rampant Lesbianism. No need for patches or pills if there’s no risk of getting pregnant.    But if you do want to have kids at some point down the line, just make sure that your lady of choice has a reasonably good-looking brother or cousin around to act as a donor, if necessary.  

            Solution 2: the Comb-over.    Let’s encourage the attractive men in our lives to make themselves a little less attractive.   If there are fewer hot men around, there will be fewer women wanting to sleep with them.   I’m not suggesting anything too drastic, but a bad haircut could be a good start.   We could call it Mullets for Morality.  

            Solution 3: the Jar.   Yes, the one that married couples are supposed to keep on their bedside table to fund their 50th anniversary cruise to Tahiti.   Instead, how about donating all of those dollars to help less financially-solvent couples enjoy intimate relations in a responsible manner?   It’s all about sharing the love...

            Solution 4: Sex Ed for Congress.   The incoming members of Congress want to hold constitution classes, but why stop there?   Let’s make sure that the people who are legislating what women can and cannot do with their bodies are actually informed about women’s health issues.   We would, of course, encourage all members of Congress to practice abstinence as the only 100% foolproof method of birth control.

            Again, these are merely a few suggestions.   Going forward, I hope that you will consider what other changes will need to be made in this country if millions of low-income women lose access to affordable birth control, HIV testing, cancer screening, and prenatal care.   If you have other solutions on what we as a country need to do about family planning, health care access, or women's reproductive issues, then I encourage you to call your local senator or representative.   

            Because if you don't talk to your senator about sex, who will?

             With love,

             Mareth - one of the estimated one in five women who have used Title X funds to acquire birth control at some point in her life.

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